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things that just won’t go away!

18 Jun

1. Printed phone books. Really, does anyone use them anymore? When I see one at my doorstep, I roll my eyes and walk over it to get inside my apartment. I pretty much dread that it’s there because that only means I have to take it to the dumpster.

2. The mullet hair cut. Ok so almost ten years ago, it became funny to make fun of a hair-do that was over ten years old, but now ten years later, people are trying to bring it back in the way of the hipster mullet or the fashion mullet. PUKE. Let it die people! Let. It. Die.

3. Whitney Houston. Do I need to mention her recent tour? Her outbursts? Crack is whack, Whitney! Gone are the days of “Queen of the Night” and “The Bodyguard”. Blame Bobby Brown, I guess.

4. The Office (NBC). This goes along with the same principle Ms. Whitney Houston should have stuck with… Go out while you’re on top. The NBC version of The Office should have followed its British predecessor and only stayed alive a few seasons. After Jim and Pam finally got together (or sometime around season 3 or shortly after) the show just became completely blah for me. The addition of Andy livened it up for awhile, cause he’s hilarious. And Dwight still makes me laugh from time to time. But really…. just end it now. You’re definitely not ahead, but it’s getting worse. Not even Kathy Bates could save you.

5. VHS. The only ones I have left are home movies, but my mom still has a pretty substantial collection stored in a closet. It makes me wonder how much closet space VHS tapes are taking up in closets, storage rooms, and garages across the world (yes that is a weird random thing to think about).

6. MySpace. I once heard it referred to as “the ghetto of the internet”, and have called it that ever since.

7. MTV. I know it probably wasn’t going away in the first place, but in my opinion, it really needs to. How about instead of calling it Music Television, we call it- Retarded Reality and Pointless Show Television.

8. Ripping off well known logos and slogans on T-Shirts and other things. Why are people allowed to capitalize on other people’s GOOD ideas. And why is it considered clever? And why is it usually something Christian in nature?

9. The WNBA. Yeah, I didn’t know that still existed either.

instinctive dance moves.

14 Apr

What does that mean? And what are you about to watch?

Well friends… I love to dance. And when I dance, there are certain moves that just naturally flow out of my body. Thus, the list. The video is me and my sister being crazy! I hope you enjoy. We enjoyed making it. I don’t want her to move, but until then… I can do crazy stuff like this with her 🙂

The funniest thing is that this is not very different from what we use to do as kids. Seriously, I have the evidence and you can ask my parents…

spread the news. tell everyone about my blog and this video!

things she says during road rage.

27 Mar

1. Seriously! What you have going on is THAT important? You’re driving a Geo. A GEO!

2. I don’t care if you have a “baby on board”! That in no way means you always have the right of way!

3. OH. MY. GOD. IS. THIS. LIGHT. STILL. REEEEEDDDD!

4. Aw… how sad. That car’s blinker isn’t working. Must lead a pretty tough life…

5. Cuss! If you don’t cussin’ move outta my cussin’ way, I swear I will cuss you up all the way back to that cuss hole you came from. Cussword. 😉

6. Just because there is a song called “Jesus Take The Wheel” doesn’t mean you have to “Let Go, and Let God.” That song was a figure of speech. You’re driving like you’re letting Jesus steer for you. Get it together!

7. What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m acting like a fool singing at the top of my lungs, flinging my hair around. But I’m not a freak show! Just a weirdo who loves to jam out. Deal with it!

8. Whatever you’re driving does NOT make up for the lack of what you got going on buddy. Just give up…

9. YES! I would loooove to know all your political, spiritual, and family beliefs within 2 seconds of driving by your car. No, ten bumper stickers isn’t too much…

celebrities that have made a guest appearance in her dreams.

27 Feb

This morning, my good friend Elizabeth tweeted about have a really weird dream that she got married to Tracy Morgan at the age of 17. That made me laugh a lot. I think Tracy Morgan is hilarious, and on top of that, I could just completely identify with it because I have very weird dreams sometimes which include all kinds of people including celebrities. Here are just a few (Don’t be freaked out… I can remember dreams I had from my childhood):

1. Jonathan Brandis. Yes, I can remember the first time I saw Never Ending Story I had a dream that I went to school with Jonathan Brandis and he was my boyfriend. That was the best dream for an eight year old. Funny thing is… I married David Harris, his twin. HA!

2. The Cast of Lost. There was a time when I lived in Germany that I was catching up on Lost from Seasons 1-3 and pretty much watched nothing else. I can remember more than one occasion when I was stuck on the island trying to figure out what the heck was going on! Though it was weird like a dream, and I could just walk back into my living room any time I pleased.

3. Justin Timberlake (pre the days of him becoming cool). This was when he was in N-Sync and I didn’t care for him very much. Have you ever had a dream about a person or a celebrity that you didn’t like, but after having that dream you suddenly had a fondness for them? Now I know what you are thinking…. No, it was not THAT kind of dream. HA! But he did have a crush on me. And we went on a date together. For some reason, from that point forward, I was a Justin fan. It also helped once he went solo and stepped up his game and hosted SNL and all that…

4. Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men). Well this dream didn’t last long… Within the first few moments of realizing Anton was in my dream, my body made every attempt to wake itself up.

5. Sarah Jessica Parker. I’ve had a couple dreams where she will be shopping with me, and we’re having girl talk. I think any Sex and The City fan has had this dream at least once. I still want to own a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s before I die.

6. Carrot Top…. ok this one is completely made up, but man! That would be one crazy nightmare if it were true. That guy creeps me the eff out!

7. Ryan Gosling. What girl (or guy for that matter! ha!) DIDN’T dream about him after seeing The Notebook?

8. Wes Anderson (!!!) I had a dream that I actually had a chance to make a movie and at one point I met up with Wes Anderson to share my ideas with him and pick his brain. Again, it being a dream, mid conversation he turned into someone else and the dream went in a totally different direction, but I remember waking up feeling motivated to write more.

9. Larry David. Again, when I was in Germany, I has phases and time periods where I was really addicted to watching DVD box sets. Curb Your Enthusiasm was one of them. I had a dream that Larry David and David Harris got in a fight because (of course) Larry did something to piss David off. Turns out, David ended up needing something from Larry in the end, thus making it awkward and the famous theme song woke me up.

I need you to leave comments. Tell me all about your crazy celebrity dreams. 😉

songs from the 80’s she can identify in less than five seconds.

13 Feb

No explanations needed…

1. “Thriller” by Michael Jackson

2. “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins

3. “Any Way You Want It” by Journey

4. “Lord of All” by Carmen (YES! this does count!)

5. “I Ran” by Flock of Seagulls

6. “Take On Me” by A-Ha

7. “Kiss” by Prince

8. “I Want To Break Free” by Queen

9. “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper

there are plenty more. But for now I digress… What are some of yours?

wigs she would wear just for the heck of it.

10 Jan

Or better yet… if someone were to ask me why I would wear these wigs, I would reply with a simple- “Why not?”

1.  

Because if I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna Pompadour it.

2.

Because “I’m Rick James, bia…”

3.

Because Jesus definitely used a curling iron to get that perfect shape to his mustache.

4.

Because I would be pretty sexy in a chili-bowl, Lloyd Christmas kinda do.

5.

Because who WOULDN’T want to look like Raquel Welsh. (Seriously, after google-ing funny wigs, I’ve noticed she is like the queen of this industry!)

6.

Because it’s always been my goal to scare little children.

7.

Because I found this one in the “Fancy Wig” category

8.

Because I’ve always wanted my hair to be twice the size of my head, AND still be fierce.

9.

Because according to the website, this wig should CLEARLY be in the men’s section.

heehee. that was fun. if you find any links to funny pictures of wigs, let me know. I’d love to see them. More great blogs to come in 2010… including a suggested one from my good friend Crysti Robertson. Be looking forward to my list of nine things my single-self should say to my mommy-self.

weird obsessions.

28 Nov

Anyone who knows me knows since I was a kid, I had the weirdest things that I loved to the point of obsession. I honestly have no good explanation as to why this is true.

1. Miss Piggy. I had the doll, the clothes, watched Muppet Babies and Muppets Take Manhattan religiously.

2. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I bought every issue of Bop magazine and plastered my bedroom wall with his pictures. And of course, Home Improvement was, “like my favorite show of all time!”

3. Sylvester. Oh the early nineties. When all my friends were obsessed with Tweety Bird, I wanted to be different… So I begged my parents to buy me all things Sylvester including a pillow I slept with every night

4. Mr. Bean. I remember being really bored watching KERA one Saturday night, and this British show came on that I had never heard of. I laughed so hard, I cried. From that moment, for about a year, I was obsessed with spreading the gospel that was Mr. Bean. I mean, really… how hilarious was it when he got that Turkey stuck on his head? (Not really at all)

5. ska. ugh. enough said.

6. writing on backpacks. there wasn’t a scripture or song lyric that wasn’t on mine and every one of my friends backpacks. I used everything from Sharpie, to White-Out, to nail polish. way to go, dweeb.

7. Bojangles. I was on this kick for awhile where I love watching old movies. And for some reason, when Jennifer Hilman and I saw Bojangles for the first time, we couldn’t stop laughing at his enthusiastic dancing and funny name. Now that I look back, Bojangles was probably a very racist character. way to go, shanelle and jenn.

8. Random Phrases. I kinda set my self up for this one, even in the blog. I went from saying “Way to go, Bo” for a year, to always saying “Wicked” or “uh-huh” or something else stupid that I would wear out in less than a week.

9. DJ Lance Rock. years later, my weird obsessive behavior has crept back up on me. I think my love for DJ Lance stems from all the obsessions I had growing up, teamed with the fact that the music, and guests are great. I get to see him LIVE today! I’m so excited.

So, I guess this pretty much proves you shouldn’t be my friend. Because I’m a weirdo. Obviously!